Sunday, December 24, 2006

IRV for Christmas :-)

(Copyright (c) 2006 The News Tribune)

The News Tribune recently filed a Freedom of Information request with the North Pole Commission to obtain copies of heretofore-classified letters to Santa from certain folks down here in Washington.

As Santa's special counsel, Rudolph initially put up a legal fight, but a quiet offer of hay on the side did the trick.

Here are some of the letters' juicier excerpts:

Gov. Chris Gregoire: "Please slip a copy of 'How to Win in a Landslide,' by Ronald Reagan, into my stocking. Got to figure this out by 2008. Also, a copy of 'How to Herd Cats' to help me handle the Democratic Legislature."

Mount Rainier National Park Superintendent Dave Uberuaga: "Dear Santa, put my volcano on the naughty list. And tell it to stop rearranging the river beds every time it rains hard."

Pierce County Executive John Ladenburg: "Dear Santa, how about a lifetime waiver from slices and hooks whenever I play the Chambers Bay Golf Course?"

Tacoma School Superintendent Charlie Milligan: "Let's see ... a statewide ban on 'fuzzy math' for starters. Also, 20 certified math teachers. Also, math-smart pills for the kids taking the spring WASL."

Pierce County Council Chairman Shawn Bunney: "Please Santa, a charisma kit for my 2008 county executive campaign."

Pierce County Councilman Calvin Goings: "Please Santa, a gravitas kit for my 2008 county executive campaign."

Multicare CEO Diane Cecchettini: "A four-ton wrecking ball for First United Methodist Church. I've widened the chimney."

UW basketball coach Lorenzo Romar: "Santa, can you fix us up with a berth in the NCAA Final Four?"

Pierce County IRV activist Kelly Haughton: "Instant runoff voting for the state of Washington. No, the entire U.S.! No, the world! Yes, the whole world! Tomorrow!"

Pierce County Auditor Pat McCarthy: "I know this isn't your specialty, Santa, but what I'd really like is a one-way plane ticket to Mongolia for Kelly Haughton."

Tacoma Mayor Bill Baarsma: "A gift certificate for the first night in the penthouse suite at the restored Winthrop Hotel. I deserve it."

WSU president Elson Floyd: "Enough Antabuse for the campus drinking fountains."

Nick Lachey: "A spot in the Rainiers' lineup for a 33-year-old pop singer."

Tacoma City Councilwoman Julie Anderson: "Shock collars for naughty pet owners."

State Superintendent of Public Instruction Terry Bergeson: "A time machine, Santa, to alter the past. 'Math WASL? What math WASL?'"

State Sen. Pam Roach: "A year's worth of Ritalin, adult dose. Or I'll call Mrs. Claus. And your supervisor. And his director. And the North Pole Commission. And the newspaper."

U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert: "I believe I've earned a spot on the next 'Survivor' series."

Lakewood Mayor Claudia Thomas: "A Christmas tree. Not a 'holiday' tree. And no guff about it."

UW football coach Tyrone Willingham: "Just one thing: A job offer from Ohio State."

University of Washington President Mark Emmert: "Just one thing: the Ohio State football team."

Disgraced driving school mogul Gary Probst: "Do you have any GPS units that double as a moral compass?"

Boys & Girls Czar Gary Yazwa: "A Boys & Girls Club in every 7-Eleven. Say, do your elflings need after-school programs?"

Tim Eyman: "Can I get my mojo back, please? I was 0 for 2 this year."

Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels: "Please, Santa, Just an itsy bitsy tunnel to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct. Or kiss that sleigh permit goodbye."

Norm Dicks: "Well, Santa, I'm just about to become Interior Appropriations chairman. What do you want for Christmas?"

Credit: The News Tribune



Post a Comment

<< Home